Journey without an end date...

In the last few days I have most undoubtedly begun procrastinating the very final touches that would allow me to zip up my bags and call them packed. It's not that I am any less excited to go, because I am excited... but... there's something final in those last actions that reminds that this time I do not know when I'll return. In five days I get on an airplane and fly to Thailand. This time my itinerary doesn't have "round trip" checked in the little box, and there's not a return ticket saved somewhere in cyberspace. For once I am not planning with an end date looming.

I've lived a rather nomadic life for the last eight years, and each experience has always come with a specified amount of time and commitment. I've welcomed those end dates, knowing that I could plan based on them. Paging - 9 mos. Germany - 11 mos. College - 4 years. Egypt - 4 mos. Thailand (the first time) - 4 mos. Teach for America - 2 years. During this time, I've lived with 35 different people, and each housing/rooming experience likewise had a start and end date, sometimes a fact I mourned and other times a fact I hung onto.

One distinctive part of my life has, therefore, necessarily become planning for the "thing after this thing." On the one hand, I have a real strength for long-term planning and casting vision. On the other hand, my futuristic dreams have also pulled me away at times from the present moment. Sometimes I wanted that and admittedly used the future as an escape, and sometimes that's just how life worked, because I had some application or resume to work on.

But now: Thailand (the second time) - indefinite.

So here's to the present and living life, for a little while, without leaning on my knowledge of what comes next. :)

Today I said my final goodbyes to my students. I actually lost it sitting next to one particular student with autism, whom I've had for the last two years and to whom I've grown particularly close. He kept wanting to talk about the arcade, while tears ran down my face. Eventually he understood this was the last time I would see him, and he became upset, and he told me he'd miss me. I could not control my emotions as I told him to help his mom with using e-mail. Another student I couldn't find until he was on the bus, and the best I could give was a wave through the window. It's rough. I've truly loved these kids and given my last two years to them. They'll never really know how much I've loved them and how much I will always care for them. I hope and pray for the best. This is the end of one chapter.