Today I was able to observe several EC students at Kaye's school, which was fantastic and very exciting. I had a small realization though: I am still at 22 years of age unable to say my "teacher" name satisfyingly. Miss Skarda has unfortunately three S's too many for a former lisper. Naturally, this could pose an especially significant problem for teaching special ed students, who may utilize extra mimicking skills. I still have a very vivid memory of trying to correct my Thai students' pronunciation of an "r" and finding that instead I had only managed to switch their "s" to a "th." At least then I went by "Miss Kara"...

Just imagining a mildly amusing scenario in the fall in which I am consistently avoiding saying my own name...

Dear Family and Friends,

It is strange that I write to you now as a college graduate. The fact that four years of education are over has not yet really hit. This realization might be postponed by the reality that I have so much TFA homework currently. I am alternating between reading textbooks titled Teaching as Leadership; Diversity, Community, and Achievement; Instructional Planning and Delivery; Classroom Management and Delivery; and Elementary Literacy. Meanwhile, I am also attempting to study for the Praxis, which I am not horribly worried about but at the same time am stressed nonetheless over the fact that I only get one chance to pass. I simply *must* pass the first time around.

Thus graduation has not meant the end of homework, and I am reminded of the fact that I truly believe my nose best belongs stuck between the pages of a good book. I am not even upset about having homework. In truth, I find all this new work to be fascinating, as it is outside of the field I studied for the last four years. I cannot help but think how useful it would have been to have read some of this before teaching English in Thailand last year. Nonetheless I am grateful to be learning it now. Moreover, I am happy to simply continue learning and studying, though I wish I had a little more control over the timing and could walk outside more to enjoy the summer sunshine. Hopefully that will come in time. If not, however, losing one summer is a small sacrifice to pay in the goal of becoming the absolute best teacher I can be.

Overall, I am avoiding too much reflection. I do not want to reflect too deeply on all that I have left and said goodbye to, because I will miss it so dearly. If I stop now, I might be frozen and unable to keep moving forward. Similarly, I do not want to reflect too long on moving to a completely new location and having an entire class beholden to me. The responsibility and weightiness of that reality would equally freeze me. Instead, I am attempting to focus merely on today's work and what I need to do before I go to the beach with my family. While at the beach, I will have to accept the reality that I will be leaving for Louisiana just two days after I arrive back in North Carolina. It will all happen very quickly, but for now I am choosing to live in the present.

To the rest of Messiah College's Class of 2009: CONGRATULATIONS! We did it! :)

To those I have left at Messiah or in the Harrisburg area: I will miss you.

It may seem strange that I have waited so long to update this blog, but so much was up in the air, and with so much work to do, it seemed impossible to update everyone on all the little in-between phases. I have every intention now of updating more often, but that is because it is far less painful to update when decisions have already been made. The hard part is to update about applications, waiting, and deciding.

SO... I am not going to Thailand for a myriad of reasons that I will not go into in depth. I made that decision, more or less, back in February. I have spent the last several years jumping from place to place, and more than anything I desire to stay one place and invest myself in a community for a time. Of course, Thailand could have been that, but not getting paid makes that a bit of a trial. It seems a year would have been my maximum. Moreover, as time went on, I began to feel that I don't want to be that person who sees every problem in the rest of the world but fails to ever face the problems in our country's backyard.

So now for the change of plans... (drum roll please)... On June 9th I will pack up my car in Archdale, North Carolina and begin the 13 hour journey down to the bayous of Louisiana for induction into the 2009 Teach for America South Louisiana Corps. While such a decision may surprise so many of you, I am excited beyond words about this opportunity! I will spend the next two years of my life as an elementary special education teacher, and I will work in a school that our taxes continue to fail.

Some of you may ask, and fairly so, how this relates to many long-term goals of being a professor of political science. Some of you may remember a time in the recent past where I legitimately felt I might apply to enter a Ph.D. program immediately after graduation. I still hold the dream of becoming a professor, and I am thrilled to pursue that dream two years from now. In the meanwhile, it is time for me live a little and see beyond the ivory tower walls. Education inequality has robbed so many of the civil rights for which the last generation fought hard. I have an opportunity to be one part of bridging the achievement gap in America. Who knows? Maybe one day some of my students from South Louisiana will also be my students in the university setting. I have an obligation to make that possible, and I have every intention of doing my best. What can I say of political theories when I do not know the people most affected by the realization of these theories?

Moreover, for those of you must concerned with career choices, I might as well put you at ease and tell you that I have thought of one answer for all of you. Isn't it wise for a professor to understand the learning disorders that affect students? What better way than to see it as they first begin a lifelong journey of living with these disorders? So it's elementary special education for me... a choice I will never regret. If this does not satisfy the few of you out there who are more concerned with ladder-climbing than living well, let me remind you that in this economy, I am grateful to know I will have a salary in a few months' time. Prestige, power, and ambition have become ideas that turn my stomach. Working for congress will remain my closest voluntary encounters with power. I do not desire to enter the rat race. I desire only to live well and live meaningfully... ironic desires given my choice of major. I do not want to be a politician, though I love studying politicians and forms of government. My goals for life are to read good books, travel to new places, write meaningfully, and expand others' horizons as others have done for me. So today that means elementary special education and tomorrow I sincerely hope that will mean being a professor of political science.

I know that the next six months will include the greatest challenge I have ever faced in my life. Passing the three praxis exams that I must pass for certification and surviving the training institute will only be the beginning. If there was anything I learned from my two hours a day of teaching English to seventh graders in Thailand, it's that the classroom is a living, breathing entity for which you can never entirely plan. Yet everyday you must wake up and do the impossible--face the class again and somehow find a new way to approach the subject matter when yesterday's plan failed. The frightening thing is that two hours a day for eight weeks nearly consumed me. I felt more love and care for my students than I ever imagined possible. It wasn't ever perfect: I certainly have vivid memories of angry adolescents attempting to sneak off with their significant others, but even in those moments, I remember the adamant, overpowering  need to fight for their education even when they couldn't see its importance. Two hours a day. Four days a week. Eight weeks.

So now I am looking at all day, five days a week, two years. Different age group. Different culture. Different language. Different continent. Different subject matter. Different learning issues. It's the only teaching experience I really have to look back upon, but there is one thing I am sure of: this will not be that. "This" will soon become its own extraordinary and overpowering experience. You will soon read of my struggles and pain and of my hopes and concerns. Stay by me. Read my words. Share in this journey to close the achievement gap in America. It matters that by the time so many kids enter school, they will already be far behind their peers in upper-income districts. It matters a lot. So journey with me.