Betty

Many of you who know me know that I have always enjoyed spending time with those in the last quarter of their lives. I have even considered what a great summer job being a senior citizen bus tour guide would make. When it comes to my use of CouchSurfing.org, I make no excuses for the fact that most of my hosts belong to the 50+ crowd, and I thoroughly enjoy that fact. I think I am more likely to forgive a person's occasional rudeness if they happen to be over the age of 70 (probably due to some early training in respecting my elders), though certainly some individuals make it easier than others. I also get my own personal exhilaration from making the quiet elder chuckle. The excitement level triples if there exists a significant language barrier or the elderly person involved has a speech impediment. After all, communication challenges provide a strange sort of vibrancy to life... I never liked the easy problems in school.

However, this week I have met someone who reminds me of what aging can look like for all of us, and I pray that when I am 83 I have the spirit and sweetness of this woman. Partially, she's had a few lucky breaks, because she remains very healthy and alert, though she will also remind you that though good genes have played their role, she goes to the gym to exercise three times a week still. Yet it's not Betty's physical health that causes you to suspect that Betty is in fact only 50 or 60. She's got spirit and spunk. It's not the kind though that some people develop as they age that borders on rudeness and runs all over people because aging causes a loss of inhibitions. No, Betty is graceful, tactful, and not afraid to politely disagree at the right moments. If her son is discussing some expensive purchase, looking at Betty will reveal her rolled eyes--as if she were were 23, not 83. If someone tells her what to do, she will inform you that nobody has ever successfully told her what to do, so it's best not to start.

Betty also carries the ability to artfully tell stories of the past from decades we all wish we could remember. Of course, everybody has known the story tellers that forget the present and fall into distant monologues with unconnected details and little to no beginning or end. With those story tellers, we eventually excuse ourselves as we walk off trying to figure out what the story was all about. This is not Betty. She knows the present moment and knows which story or snippet applies, and she tells them the way a 30 year old would tell a story from 3 or 4 years ago. She can talk about living all over the world, as well as growing up in Oklahoma, or getting engaged in Wilmington, NC. When Betty jokes with the others in the crowd or lightly teases her son, it is not hard to still see in her the 20-something that has in no way disappeared from her countenance. I suspect the only frustration is that others do not expect this from her. They expect her to act old and decrepit, and these words are entirely wrong for Betty.

For those of us, who have a long ways to go and are still consciously and unconsciously making the choices that determine whether or not we age as gracefully, here is to reading challenging books that keep our minds alive and exercising rigorously to keep our limbs active. Here is to aging better than a fine red wine in an oak barrel. Here is to those that have already made their choices and made the right choices, clearly, to the delight of all of us.