Documents and anxiety...

Today is my final full day in North Carolina. It frightens me to think that tomorrow I load my suitcase into a car and drive with my parents to DC. Thankfully, nearly every new life experience (minus just a few) has started in DC for me, and the ritual will bring about its own calmness.

At the moment, however, I don't feel the calmness of my DC ritual. I keep staring at my duffel bag and thinking I've got too much stuff and thinking about weeding out still a little more. Then I run through my list of documents that I need on the airplane: Qatar Airways itinerary, Qmiles membership card... wait, what airline is it that I'm flying from Bangkok to Chiang Mai? My mind freezes and for a few horrible seconds I wonder if it's all in my head that I've even purchased a ticket from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. Being stuck in Bangkok without any plans sounds horrid, but, good news, I'm flying Bangkok Airways. I will also need the paper with my membership to that airline's frequent flyer list. Additionally, I need the address of the couple I'm staying with when I get to Chiang Mai, and I should probably have the address of Partners. Oh, and my virtual insurance card. I definitely need to print that. Somehow, all of this makes me feel slightly anxious that I might forget any one of them and then reminds me that I'm not coming back, which scares me, even as I'm simultaneously so excited to be going.

Of course, there's also all the things I'd like to copy for my parents before I leave (passport, itinerary, vaccination records, etc.), and still all the other things I'd like to accomplish. For example, I'd really like to see my mom's new food blog set up and ready to go: Grandma's Gone Global (she's hasn't written anything yet, but I cannot imagine a better chef for a global food blog).

And then in that rare moment, when my thoughts are not focused on all that I must accomplish, I remember why I'm doing this. I'm going for people like this one:

Not So Different from Partners Relief & Development on Vimeo.

And these:

War Refugee from Partners Relief & Development on Vimeo.

The first video is of a Karen girl, and the next video is of a Kachin refugee camp, which are both different than the Shan, with whom I'll be working, but I cannot find a better way to explain why I'm going, because all three groups have been victims of the same military regime. And when I remember these, I feel strangely very focused, and all anxiety about the details of this document or that falls away in light of the purpose of going.