That being said, watching the current second year teachers scramble to finalize their decisions, I'm realizing I really must begin to move forward in thinking about life post-TFA. So here are my current options that I'm seriously considering, and I would appreciate hearing any of your gut reactions.
First, I could continue down the path I left Messiah on, and that would be to pursue a PhD in Political Science, with the hope of one day becoming a professor. I truly love the academic life, and I love what I studied. The problem with this idea, however, is that I began to desire this life out of phase of wariness, mostly wariness of the transitional aspect of the life choices I've made (a year here, a year there, 1/2 year there, etc.) and fear of the addictive whirlwind of government and government-related life, and academia seemed a way out of the whirlwind. Yet, though I continue to look forward to growing roots, teaching has really made me question whether I would ever truly feel that I was making enough of a tangible difference as a professor (and, besides, I think most people would also point out that I have also enjoyed the whirlwind and had invaluable experiences in the process). I have always been very hands-on and have always chosen the path that takes me right into the center of the things I care about. An apt example would be how I chose studying in the Middle East easily over studying about the Middle East at Oxford University. The latter would have been far more academic, but I had the need to throw myself into the midst of the issues, rather than merely study them.
Secondly, I've off and on toyed with the idea of studying theology. It simply remains one of those topics that rattles around in my head a lot. If you'd asked me even as recently as a week ago, I might have really thought this is what I really wanted, but today this dream does not appeal to me... again, because I need to know that what I am doing matters to other people. Theology matters a great deal to me, and I will spend a lot of time thinking about it for sure, but I cannot help but think that the study of theology would be a largely selfish pursuit for me (I do not believe this is the case for most of my friends who are studying theology, by the way). I would just be satisfying my own personal muse, rather than following a true vocation. Yet, I imagine this possibility will resurface in my thoughts as a viable option.
Thirdly, I could stay in the classroom. At this time, I find it highly unlikely that I would remain in special education, impossible that I would remain in an elementary school, and questionable that I would remain in Louisiana (it's just so hard being away from so many people I care about). However, I could see myself teaching in a functioning, high-quality middle or high school that serves the same socio-economic group as I'm currently working with (and many exist) if I were teaching social studies or humanities. In fact, when I begin to dream, sometimes I think I could positively love this job. My impact on the world might be limited to the students I taught, but I could thoroughly love those students (as I love my current students) and teach them to think critically about the world and believe in their own ability to make a difference. My best moments have been when I've had the really deep conversations with my 13-15 year olds about societal trends, racism, or history. My one TFA friend here, however, has reminded me that I can always return to the classroom. The easiest time to pursue any of the other options I'm considering would be now (by now, I mean actually immediately following TFA). Still, this option has a strong draw to it.
Finally, the newest option I am considering after several convincing TFA spiels would be to return back to the direction I was going before my senior year of college: the policy/non-profit route. TFA has strong partnerships with nearly every major university for various scholarships and fellowships in their Public Policy programs, so this would be a very affordable route to begin down academically-speaking. Moreover, I will always be aware that this (the policy route) is what I spent many years preparing for, and when I see educational problems at the systemic level, it is hard to walk away from this option. Yet, though I do not consider myself a cynic, I was thoroughly disillusioned with government work at a fairly young age, and I question if I can schmooze my way through it all again, the way I feel effective policy writers and advocates must. I have ideas, but I prefer working independently, quietly and away from all the drama... spending my life shaking hands and convincing others to get on board... I think I could be quite good at it and even get a buzz from it all, but is it the life I want to choose? This is what I began to run from my senior year... this was the question I asked myself repeatedly and what ultimately led to me wanting to pursue an academic career. Yet, am I being hypocritical? Am I running away, simply because I fear the challenge? Or am I running away because there really is something negative that I can see myself being sucked into? It is also appealing to not spend a life working with individuals who may only rarely know how to show gratitude (as in the case of teaching), and interacting with adults everyday... just a thought... not a strong one, but it exists.
Today's toss-up is between the last two... which is quite a shock after a year of longing for the academic life, but perhaps I have finally adjusted to life outside the ivory towers and can envision my place in the so-called real world... and perhaps one particular professor was especially right to tell me to go get some life experience before choosing the academic life. :) Admittedly, though, a week or so later, I might be thoroughly fed up with my unacademic life and start looking more seriously at the first two again. So tell me your thoughts. I'd love to hear. You all know me best. :)
